I set ridiculously high expectations upon myself. I have done it my whole life. I have always been driven to achieve, and I always feel a keen sense of failure whenever I don’t measure up to my own standards.
I have also been hanging on to an enormous amount of guilt, shame, and fear since being diagnosed with depression, and falling off the horse a few years ago.
The difficult part of this is that the shame and guilt had become such an intrinsic part of my story that I couldn’t even identify it as separate from myself anymore.
It is a HUGE part of why I have been challenged with poor motivation, and an unwillingness to do the work I need to do for my life to be light, easy and successful.
Last night, Bel did a “Journey” exercise with me. I’m not gonna go into specifics, except to say that at the heart of it was a great deal of purging old, old hurts, and ultimately forgiving the people in my life, and – most importantly – forgiving myself.
I found it really difficult and challenging, and I cried buckets throughout. At one point I was ready to walk away. But, with some stern words from my wife, I persevered. I’m glad I did.
The experience was transformational.
I really recommend you check it out. I also really recommend you start saying the phrase “I am safe, I am loved, and I forgive myself” to yourself, whenever you feel stupid, overwhelmed, depressed, guilty, miserable, a failure, etc.
I will be from now on, and I know from last night’s exercise and from the future I cast for myself during the exercise, that the days of allowing myself to feel stuck, guilty, or a failure, are behind me.
I forgive you. I forgive myself.
Will you do yourself this kindness?
PS I suggest you have a coach, or someone to guide you through the Journey process. If you want to work with an amazing woman, email my wife Bel. She’s a superstar (of course I’d say that) but has also had experience in working with paid coaching clients on this Journey process, with great results.